This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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