I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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