I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize