No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sext me about skeletons
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
