dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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