Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
