If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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