he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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