just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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