We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
