those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
