I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
