And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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