bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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