so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
