Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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