I need to stop coming to work sober
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
