hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm like, not good at living.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize