I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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