We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
