All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
