The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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