I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize