She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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