i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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