You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
