just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
