I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
