What a fucking waste of an outfit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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