obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
