I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
