So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
