please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
