im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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