where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
