i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
