Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Even my vagina gasped.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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