Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
