It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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