Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
