weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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