I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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