not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
