so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
