I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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