So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
