Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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