let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
