Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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