Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
