we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
