hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
