there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize