We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize