i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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