dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
