I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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