Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
