Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
