Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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