You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
