bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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